With tear-filled eyes he recounted his experience bereft of any sense of nostalgia. There was an expression of pain on his face – a deep-seated pain. It almost felt like he had been wounded afresh. Our previous casual conversation about how women can be mean to men in relationships, didn’t matter anymore. We all listened with rapt attention as the old man told us a story about how his wife betrayed him and later tried to take actions to gain custody of their children in court.

Apparently, he had taken her along with him to America and found her a very lucrative work to do. Soon she grew wings, and soared way above his command and authority and therefore didn’t give him the respect due him. This old man, well over 60 years, clearly hadn’t gotten over the pain. He didn’t seem to care how inappropriate his personal experience was, as a contribution to our casual conversation. He went on and on. I looked at him and said to myself, ‘mehhnn I wouldn’t want to experience that, and even if I do I don’t want to be bitter about it for many years after’. When I look at my life and around me, I see the reenactment of this same story. For some funny reason, most of my friends, especially those in my inner circle have had bad experiences with women in their relationships. At least 7 of my friends have experienced this (I am not exaggerating). 7 of my closest friends have been treated badly in their relationships. 7!!!. And some of them have had this experience multiple times. And for others, though it has been many years since they were ditched, they are yet to understand why it had come to such an end. I do not understand it at all. These are guys I have known for many years and wouldn’t mind the idea of them dating my sister (if I had one). So for such fine gentlemen to be treated badly and disposed off, with the most unreasonable excuses, I find that rather strange. I haven’t had the best of experiences in that area of my life either. I am  too embarrassed to talk about them. It just doesn’t make sense. I know guys are notorious for taking their relationships for granted or toying with ladies’ emotions, but honestly tables are turning now. It appears  guys are on the receiving end now. So yes, I am doing this for the brothers. I am doing this for the brothers who have been hurt and are suffering deep inside because our societal norms stifle the expression of emotions in guys. I am doing this for all of you. I find it very annoying, the number of blog posts and articles one can find on the subject of ‘how to treat a woman’. Some of them have the most outrageous captions too. For example ‘crossing the 7 seas leading to a woman’s heart’ , ‘you are not good enough for her’, ’12 steps to take to make your woman happy’ and my personal favorite ‘how to swing successfully across 17 monkey bars into your woman’s arms’. Apparently it is impossible to walk into her arms, because you might just slip on a banana peel, so it’s better to swing on monkey bars.

Nobody seems to care about the fact that men need attention and understanding too. Of course we all agree that women can be a bit complex, but what is the sense in making every effort for a man to understand a complex woman and none at all in making the woman understand her man? We need a balance. We need to be understood too. It is obvious some ladies think they have us all figured out. So you will often hear them make such statements as ‘guys are just babies’. This shouldn’t come as a surprise at all to our dear ladies. We all have elements of childishness in us, when you do discover it in your man, good for you! Don’t  go about rubbing it in his face every day. The act of discovering the weakness of a person and rubbing it in his/her face isn’t particularly a mature act anyway.

I have discovered that most guys react in a very negative way after such ordeals. They tend to be very resentful and vengeful. Some go to the extreme extent of becoming very distrustful and emotionless in subsequent relationships. Listen, that isn’t good enough bruh! Yes, it is painful. Yes, it makes you doubt your worth. Every breath you take in after that day, makes you feel you are unworthy of the next because of your folly. The folly of believing that you were supposed to love her with every bit of you. Chill bruh! That is wrong! Just as there are good women, there are very mean ones out there. So if you encountered the mean ones, do your best to pick up the necessary lessons, dust yourself and move on to become a better person. No lady deserves the punishment for the sins of your previous partner. Work on yourself. Forgive and let go of the past. There is no need to be bitter. When you toss dried grains of maize from a bowl, the chaff floats away and the grains fall back into the bowl. When people leave your life, they are chaff: white powdery chaff. Let them go!

I believe when you feel hated or rejected it is best you focus on the love around you. The love of God is rather more than enough and it is best to feed on that greatly during such instances. Also, for us as guys it is best we feast on the love our first female lovers(our mothers) have for us. Some of us are treated as kings by our mothers. We literally see them devise means and ways to get us to eat even when we don’t want to. We feel like we are the center of their world. So when that lady isn’t giving you all her attention, turn your back and give your attention to the woman who does. More often than not, you will end up enjoying it.


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The way it is painful errrr, I cant describe it in words


Fantastic! The pistanthrophobic ones are very common these days, so they make us pay for the crimes of ‘our forefathers’. Fantastic again!

randy (ranz) arwat

Read any romance novel you find and there’s something striking you discover. First of all, why do women or girls for that matter fancy romance novels so much? Simple, they have one thing in common: almost every time you find that the men in these novels are the tough, strong and ‘powerful’ kind who are total knuckleheaded jerks, though they may round up ‘gentle’ in the end! girls say they want guys who are dependable, gentle and sensitive to them buh what do we see, you find so many of them, and much more the beautiful ones, dating absolute numbskulls with the ‘bad boy’ image! why is this so, because what women say they want and what they actually want are two different things! Women are actually attracted to strong, confident men and these are the type who can and do treat them anyhow, and definitely not to “nice guys” who do everything but grovel the floor they walk on! Sad isnt it, show her the truest love and she thinks you’re weak! Wont say i learned it the hard way cos i knew all this by heart but decided to risk it all for a girl i have come to love, and still do, because she had had her heart broken not too long ago. But alas, i was told just yesterday that whatever ‘strange feeling’ she’d developed for me had vanished! lol, but i have given quite alot of myself too and must say again that i still really do love her, lol! Eli, its really not a matter of becoming heartless or insensitive or vengeful after such experiences; its just that the next girl who now becomes the dumpsite for the end-products of your bitter past has already had her more-than fair share of the fantasy bad boy relationships and after receiving an epiphany or a sudden adrenaline rush to her senses, decides to ‘settle’ for a more responsible, gentle, caring, sober, loving and more sensitive person – you! Someone who would have been relegated to the ‘friend zone’ a few time cycles ago. I dare say again – sad, isnt it! But does that mean you have to become a bad boy to date a girl or a hot one for that matter, No! you just have to find out her wiring or what works for her, and please for Christs sake, dont ask her! See it with your third eye, lol, you will find it out. And then if you wish to risk it all for ‘love’, well, more grease. But about those precious, gorgeous women called mums, hmm, they define what i call ‘regardless love’, God bless them. Buh then if you find yourself in such a dilema as mine, all you have to do is breathe in and say ‘cest la vie’, or evn much better, cest la fille, lol!


God created them as the solution to our loneliness. Perversion is what has made them our troubles. God help us all to have better relationships.


Wow…wow…wow…RANDY u so on point…u couldn’t have said this any better…thanks bro.

Genesis2:21-22…21.”the Lord God caused a DEEP SLEEP to fall upon man” 22.”and God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and BROUGHT HER TO THE MAN”…i love the ending -BROUGHT HER TO THE MAN…if only we can SLEEP(wait, trust n be patient), God will BRING someone better our way


Great post, Eli. Interesting read.


thanks for reading.


My brother sometimes it not just that we don’t want to talk, but we just don’t know how to say it. Please add me to the number to make it 8, my story can even make it 10. We also need love and care. *Getting emotional, pen drops.


oh ma boss, ego bee ehh. time heals wounds

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