Apparently, he had taken her along with him to America and found her a very lucrative work to do. Soon she grew wings, and soared way above his command and authority and therefore didn’t give him the respect due him. This old man, well over 60 years, clearly hadn’t gotten over the pain. He didn’t seem to care how inappropriate his personal experience was, as a contribution to our casual conversation. He went on and on. I looked at him and said to myself, ‘mehhnn I wouldn’t want to experience that, and even if I do I don’t want to be bitter about it for many years after’. When I look at my life and around me, I see the reenactment of this same story. For some funny reason, most of my friends, especially those in my inner circle have had bad experiences with women in their relationships. At least 7 of my friends have experienced this (I am not exaggerating). 7 of my closest friends have been treated badly in their relationships. 7!!!. And some of them have had this experience multiple times. And for others, though it has been many years since they were ditched, they are yet to understand why it had come to such an end. I do not understand it at all. These are guys I have known for many years and wouldn’t mind the idea of them dating my sister (if I had one). So for such fine gentlemen to be treated badly and disposed off, with the most unreasonable excuses, I find that rather strange. I haven’t had the best of experiences in that area of my life either. I am  too embarrassed to talk about them. It just doesn’t make sense. I know guys are notorious for taking their relationships for granted or toying with ladies’ emotions, but honestly tables are turning now. It appears  guys are on the receiving end now. So yes, I am doing this for the brothers. I am doing this for the brothers who have been hurt and are suffering deep inside because our societal norms stifle the expression of emotions in guys. I am doing this for all of you. I find it very annoying, the number of blog posts and articles one can find on the subject of ‘how to treat a woman’. Some of them have the most outrageous captions too. For example ‘crossing the 7 seas leading to a woman’s heart’ , ‘you are not good enough for her’, ’12 steps to take to make your woman happy’ and my personal favorite ‘how to swing successfully across 17 monkey bars into your woman’s arms’. Apparently it is impossible to walk into her arms, because you might just slip on a banana peel, so it’s better to swing on monkey bars.

Nobody seems to care about the fact that men need attention and understanding too. Of course we all agree that women can be a bit complex, but what is the sense in making every effort for a man to understand a complex woman and none at all in making the woman understand her man? We need a balance. We need to be understood too. It is obvious some ladies think they have us all figured out. So you will often hear them make such statements as ‘guys are just babies’. This shouldn’t come as a surprise at all to our dear ladies. We all have elements of childishness in us, when you do discover it in your man, good for you! Don’t  go about rubbing it in his face every day. The act of discovering the weakness of a person and rubbing it in his/her face isn’t particularly a mature act anyway.

I have discovered that most guys react in a very negative way after such ordeals. They tend to be very resentful and vengeful. Some go to the extreme extent of becoming very distrustful and emotionless in subsequent relationships. Listen, that isn’t good enough bruh! Yes, it is painful. Yes, it makes you doubt your worth. Every breath you take in after that day, makes you feel you are unworthy of the next because of your folly. The folly of believing that you were supposed to love her with every bit of you. Chill bruh! That is wrong! Just as there are good women, there are very mean ones out there. So if you encountered the mean ones, do your best to pick up the necessary lessons, dust yourself and move on to become a better person. No lady deserves the punishment for the sins of your previous partner. Work on yourself. Forgive and let go of the past. There is no need to be bitter. When you toss dried grains of maize from a bowl, the chaff floats away and the grains fall back into the bowl. When people leave your life, they are chaff: white powdery chaff. Let them go!

I believe when you feel hated or rejected it is best you focus on the love around you. The love of God is rather more than enough and it is best to feed on that greatly during such instances. Also, for us as guys it is best we feast on the love our first female lovers(our mothers) have for us. Some of us are treated as kings by our mothers. We literally see them devise means and ways to get us to eat even when we don’t want to. We feel like we are the center of their world. So when that lady isn’t giving you all her attention, turn your back and give your attention to the woman who does. More often than not, you will end up enjoying it.

Every morning on my way to work, I encounter so many scenes that put me in a pensive mood for the rest of the day. Indelible scenes line up on the pavements as I walk by. I see beggars in various conditions begging for alms in the most pathetic ways. I am usually filled with anger… at myself… then at them. At myself because I often do not have ‘more than enough money’ to give, and at them because, for some absurd reason I feel they are there mainly to expose my heart. I feel they are there to expose my heart to me: how I only feel like giving to them when I have more than enough. When I look at them, I am filled with compassion too. And I ask myself, ‘what did they do at all to be born lepers?’ The disciples were troubled by this too. When they asked Jesus, whose sin had caused the man to be blind Jesus was about to heal, he replied, ‘no one has sinned but it is so that the GLORY of the father will be seen’. I won’t sit here and pretend this statement solves it all. As though this  statement alone puts this huge monster of a problem to sleep in my mind.  I still think about it every time, ‘why should a  baby be born with a brain tumor? Why should a child be born and not grow to see his/her mother? Why should anyone die in a fatal accident? Why should anyone be denied the awesome sense of  sight? Why is there pain at all? Why?

Congenital Analgesia, is a medical condition where an individual is not able to feel pain. The amazing thing about this condition is, it is referred to as a DISEASE or DISORDER. Amazing, isn’t it? One would have expected scientists to run out of the bath tub, shouting eureka!! eureka!! on the streets for having discovered a state of complete painlessness. But no, it is called a disease or a disorder. To literally break the word down (dis-ease), it means a state of not being at ease or a state of discomfort. Can you imagine living with a relative who was suffering (yes, suffering) from this condition? That would be the most painful experience, forget about that nuisance of a roommate you had to cope with in the university. People like this REQUIRE  24-hour surveillance because they could be hurting and not know it. They could even step on a sharp object and bleed to death in their sleep. Due to the nature of this disease, patients need to be critically observed every minute of the day. Think about how discomforting this could be. You wouldn’t want to have a spouse who suffers from this disease, right? Well, this is the same way God wouldn’t want to be  God of a people who cannot feel pain. Pain sometimes teaches us lessons and is very necessary. No matter what we think, a painless life doesn’t bring ultimate pleasure. Nevertheless that is our aim as humans. Well no one said pain is pleasurable, it is certainly discomforting but very necessary. Dr. Ravi Zacharias says it more profoundly *paraphrasing*, ‘meaninglessness in life is not only present in excessive pain but more in excessive pleasure’. People tend to forget how meaningful and important life is when they are satisfying the lascivious desires of their heart. The most absurd experience is to attain a very important feat in life and realizing how empty you feel afterwards. Or how disappointed you become at being filled with lesser joy than you expected after attaining such heights. This is even evident in my own life. I had mapped out several events that would accompany the commemoration of the end of my university education. I planned on being excessively bubbly that day and probably have the biggest bowl of my favorite meal. Then go on to visit my friends and hang out with them the whole day. After writing my last paper, I saw my course mates heartily hugging each other, taking pictures and laughing loudly until they couldn’t catch their breaths. I walked away quietly, looked back at them and then went straight to my room. Wow! for some reason, completing my university education wasn’t that much of a  big deal after all. Many a rich man complains about feeling lonely. There are rich men who have been sent to their graves because of depression and one would wonder what at all could trouble a wealthy man.

Only corpses do not feel pain. That’s why they are corpses anyway. It is as if pain certifies your being alive. For when babies are born, it is an expression of pain (crying) that signals to the doctors that the baby is alive and well. From what I gather, the excruciating pain mothers go through in child birth is beyond comprehension. Do we blame God for this? Certainly not, for this wasn’t his original intent for man, pain totally defies the default intentions of God for man. God’s plan is fully seen in the garden: a blissful never ending joyous and painless life where man didn’t even have to work. It was sin that caused all of this. But then, how is God able to watch his children go through all this pain? Well, while we may want to think the pain we go through is the greatest injustice in the world, God thinks otherwise. And he is right too. The greatest injustice ever, is the death of Christ on the cross. This is because, not only was Christ innocent of all the charges leveled against him, he had never sinned. So he deserved no punishment at all. God placed him in the hands of sadistic individuals who had a field day being cruel to an innocent soul. My conclusion is based on God’s reaction to Jesus dying on the cross. From Jesus’ prayer on the cross, it appears God looked away, but allowed it anyway. So if God allowed ‘the greatest injustice’ ever recorded in human history (for your sake), then trust me he would allow us to go through those painful moments. Not meaningless pain, but pain that is for the greater good of humanity and yourself as well. It could be the mere fact that you will tell your story one day to encourage somebody else – your pain has served a humanitarian purpose. The amazing thing is God promises us, he will be there with us. He said. ‘WHEN you go through the fire… I will be with you’. The keyword there is ‘WHEN’. This gives me so much joy that though I might go through pain, God is with me.

The reaction to pain is sometimes amazing. I have been through pain in my life. I went through things at a young age that would rain misery and suffering on adults. I have also seen loved ones go through pain that seems unjustifiable. Yet I still hold on to my faith in God, rather than driving me away from God it rather pushes me in his direction. For if God can see Jesus through the crucifixion and then give him such a glorious reward, I believe he will do same for me, and for you too if only we allow him. O what peace we often forfeit, o what NEEDLESS PAIN WE BEAR, when we do not take all our cares and burdens to him in prayer.

For whatever my lot

Thou hast taught me to say

IT IS WELL, IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL.