I had a rude awakening concerning this particular topic a few weeks ago. I chanced upon a retweet on my timeline and followed up to  a  lady’s timeline on twitter. Oh boy! I spent two hours that morning, on my ride to work, just soaking in every single story told on her  timeline. I believe the conversation began because of her reaction to another person’s tweet which suggested that women who wear skimpy dresses invite rape to themselves. For some reasons I would like to withhold the lady’s twitter handle. She went on to ask the ladies on her timeline, who had been sexually abused before, to tweet how it happened and what they wore on that day. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Most of them were almost dressed like nuns when it happened. What laid a heavier weight on my heart that day was the fact that some of them began by saying ‘well, the first time was …’ meaning they had been raped more than once in their lifetime. That, I couldn’t handle. There was one who had been raped just a few weeks before the said conversation on twitter. Now, this is not a post that will promote indecent dressing in women – totally far from that. This post is meant to extend the issue of sexual abuse to an area where most people have turned a blind eye on. I just want to draw our attention to the fact that there is a force within us, that is stronger than any external factor that one may attribute to the cause of rape. The bible calls it the ‘flesh’. Not literally the human flesh, (the meat and the blood). No, it refers more emphatically to our emotions, our thoughts, our desires, and many other things that bring us joy in our physical beings.

In recent times, one of my favorite gospel rap songs has been ‘Temptations’ BY 116 CLIQUE. Particularly because I can really relate with the theme of the song. And my favorite verse in that song was that of Derek Minor. He starts by saying this :

 ‘Lord, can I be real with you? /

They say that women want attention, and that’s the real issue /

And if they only wore dresses just a little bit longer/

Then the FLESH that I’ve been feeding, wouldn’t burn like a sauna/

WAIT!! Is that the reason why your brain isn’t changed, and you are home by yourself in front of Computer screens? /

Or, is that the REASON WHY SICK MEN PREY ON /

LITTLE GIRLS, WHO ARE IN SCHOOL STILL PLAYING WITH CRAYONS?’

Now this totally captures what I have been trying to communicate with this present post and the previous one. You can’t blame your addiction to pornography on the way women dress. Neither can you blame the fact that some fathers molest their own babies because they saw a woman in town wear a skimpy dress. Maybe, and just maybe, it could be that those men were attracted by the baby’s diapers. Whatever the case is, I don’t know. But I doubt the cause is the mini-skirt they saw barely clothing a woman in town. You see, what an indecently dressed woman does to a man is, she whets his appetite for sex that very instant. And if the man isn’t one who has self-control, then he is left with the options of either convincing the woman in question or applying force. If you would permit me to use the food analogy again, I would say the hunger for sex can be likened to hunger for food and indecently dressed women could be likened to a very tempting food advertisement. If someone breaks into a restaurant and steals food and his only justification is that, the advertisement on the billboard was too tempting, will you deem it a wise reason? I believe the most sensible advice worth giving to such a person, is that he needs to tame his hungers. Same applies to sexuality in men. You should know, that you cannot  have the food because it is displayed on the billboard *if you know what I mean*. You should deal with the hunger inside you and don’t think by uprooting those billboards, you have dealt with the issue at hand. Deal with what’s inside you, when that is well dealt with, you will realize it becomes rather difficult to notice those enticing and tempting features of women who proudly expose it.

To the ladies, dress like you want to be addressed. You don’t judge a book by its cover alright, but the cover of a book sure tells a lot about its content. When I pick a book and see a math equation written on it, it is wrong to assume that the book is based only on that equation. What is even more wrong and absurd is to assume that the book is a history book. To the brothers, I feel your pain, but take pains in putting the flesh under subjection. The bible says walk in the spirit so that you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. So please, go on your knees and pray for strength, read about Jesus, fast etc. It is worth it.

I am just using this borrowed-knowledge to address the issue at hand. I feel like the problem isn’t the fact that we have hearts, but that we have exposed our hearts to certain impurities that have made them depraved. There is a hunger for sex in all of us, both men and women, but it seems when it comes to men, it is cool to have an out-of-control sexual appetite. *pardon me, I can only speak for men* It seems when it comes to sex, men are allowed to behave like beasts and beastly. There is no justification for rape. No matter who the woman is, her age or what she wore. The problem isn’t external it is internal – it is inside us. Hungers need to be tamed. Even our hunger for food is tamed. Let’s just look at  how unhealthy obesity is – obesity, which is birthed out of untamed hunger for foods of all kinds, kills many people each year. If there is a resultant effect, untamed hunger for food has on the individual, then there should be a corresponding effect that untamed hunger for sex has on an individual too. When it comes to dealing with the issue of discipline in dieting, we think about 1. The time an individual eats 2. How much food he should have 3. How the food should be eaten 4. What the individual eats etc. It isn’t advisable to eat at certain times, especially immediately before bedding. The quantity of food one eats should also be taken into consideration, as too much food may cause  discomfort and result in excessive weight gain.The way and manner in which an individual eats is also very important. In most cases we are advised by dietitians not to drink and eat concurrently. Eating a lot of fatty foods is one sure way to build up a very unhealthy and almost inactive body. My question then is, if there are dietitians who are responsible for helping us regulate our eating habits, shouldn’t there be a system of regulation for human sexuality? When it comes to sex, everybody wants to have the final say in his/her life. Nobody wants to obey a bunch of rules. So far as the mode of sex is backed by law, then it is okay. It is a shame people don’t realize that all the foods we eat are pretty much legal, yet dietitians advise adamantly against the consumption of some of those foods. Not everything that is legal is good for consumption. Just recently in Kenya, a law was passed allowing men to legally go in for additional wives even without the consent of the first. It is even more sad and pathetic when society  and the law backs men in pursuing their wild sexual dreams.

It’s already hard for us as men. Temptation literally stalks us every step of the way. Pressure to succumb is heavy and very compelling, hence the reason most men fail when it comes to fidelity in relationships. It is a jungle out there, not only out on the streets but every where else – the internet, in our conversations with friends even in the quietness of our deepest thoughts. The sort of lascivious images and episodes that jump at the average brother, is as fierce as a rain storm. More often than not, the worst evil isn’t that which the eyes have seen but that which is conceived in the heart. Mostly it is too sophisticated to be carried out in the physical world so it remains in the storeroom of the heart. It is however imperative that we keep our thoughts pure. Look, that is almost impossible – but highly attainable. The problem is within us, so if we win the battle from the inside-out, we are assured of less corruption in this world. if the statement, ‘out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks‘ is true, then we can conclude that most of our actions originated from the meditations of our hearts. Men like Job, lifted the bar up by a notch. He said, ‘I have made a covenant with my eyes NOT TO THINK UPON A LADY‘ (king James bible). Note: the covenant was made with his eyes, but the resultant action is that he won’t THINK upon a lady. Ha! Job is just like me. He is just like you, he is like the average man. I am sure he had a problem with ‘lustful thoughts‘ like most men do. Thank God he decided to kill the problem at the roots – at the thought-level before it materialized in the physical. That is indeed the solution – clean thoughts conceived in our hearts.

You know, the heart is neutral but very fickle. It easily sways in the direction you swing it. So over-exposure to sexually immoral material produces a sexually immoral individual. We have hearts, our hearts are originally depraved; what we expose them to worsens the situation.